BEYONCE IS PREGNANT?

4276 Notes

BEYONCE IS PREGNANT.

I’m a little late to the party. Missed Queen B and all the royalty on Sunday, but still, yesterday evening I was able to watch the VMA’s on the plane.

I learned the following: Bieber has a little snake. Beyonce is an adorable pregnant lady and can ALWAYS shake it. Jay-Z is a proud poppa. Gaga is temporarily Joe Calderone. She’s one of the guys. And apparently she’s crazy. The Beastie Boys (of the future) are also known as Will Farrell, Jack Black and Seth Rogan. To echo Katie’s speech in my own little way: Lil Wayne makes me feel romantic. Nicki Manaj’s Super Bass makes me wanna dance. Adele breaks my heart in the best way (bowing, bowing). And everyone should want a hubby to look at them like Russell Brand did Katy Perry when she said, “My husband”.

I also learned that: Wiz Khalifa likes water. Taylor Lautner is looking real grown. Cutie Chord Overstreet was there. Paul Rudd proclaimed he is not an enormous black man. Rick Ross is tall. Chris Brown can fly. Beavis and Butt-head are NOT retired. Young The Giant made me want to be a rockstar and crowd-surf like I used to in the good ol’ days of Tragic Kingdom and Anthony Kedis stripping into flags. Bruno Mars is still a cutie. Drake is still a cutie. Jonah Hill is still a cutie. That stage was gorgeous. The ladies looked fierce. When Jay-Z and Kayne West sing “Otis” I can’t help but sway, swagger and go kind of crazy. I had to resist because of man to my right on that plane. He would not have appreciated or enjoyed it.

And we will all miss Amy.

That concludes what I learned from watching the VMA’s on the plane. If Bieber had been with me, we could have re-enacted “Snakes on a Plane” during commercial breaks.